Probing the Heart of The Marriage Expert
When I cried out, asking for the answer to keeping the spark alive in our marriage, it made sense to seek advice from the best spouse the world has ever know. This search did not take long, because I found myself at the feet of Jesus Christ, probing his heart for advice. From the beginning of time He has been the Faithful and True. He has loved with perfect and unfailing love. He has pursued with passion, the adulterous hearts, deceptive minds, and sinful nation of Israel, the wayward Church, and Jody Watkins. As I read His commands, pleas, and love letters to Israel and the body of Christ, it seemed safe to conclude that the Commands Christ gave to his bride, ensuring and healthy and vibrant relationship, could be applied in some form to my marriage. With this thought, I searched for the voice of the Groom and one word stood out. It is repeated over and over again from Genesis to Revelation.
Forgetting is a natural byproduct of this fallen world. Memory on the other hand requires a concerted and conscious effort. I have a distant family member who lived in Spain during her college years. When she left, she could have passed as a Spaniard. Twenty plus years later, she can neither speak nor understand the language. Some days we have a hard time even remembering our kids names, so this comes as no surprise to us.
If Israel was able to forget the horrors of slavery, the plagues that brought Egypt to its knees, and the crossing the Read Sea, it should not surprise us that we forget moments of joy, resolve, unquenchable love, and the impassioned commitments we made to be faithful “till death do us part.”
So how do we avoid memory loss, lost love, and waining passion? We have to follow the words of Christ and fight daily to Remember.
“You shall remember…”ESV
I would like to share two simple actions that have helped me remember and keep the sparks alive in our marriage.
Planted Love Notes
The first practice began by mistake. One evening, David gave me a card and after reading it I slipped it inside a kitchen drawer. Sometime later I was putting some spoons away and I stumbled upon his note. Yes he had given it to me weeks before, but as I read his words of love and gratitude, my heart was encouraged. Another day, while putting his whitey-tighties away, I found a love note I had given him on valentine’s day months before. I pulled the card out and read what I had felt and professed to him on that special day and my heart was flooded with renewed passion for my husband. I was overcome with an overwhelming desire to go find him and plant a juicy kiss on his lips.
I keep almost every love note David has given me, and though it may sound strange, I keep love notes I write him. The ones I slip in his lunch, the short texts when he is at work, the cards slipped into his car seat to be found in the morning when he drives off to work. These notes and cards can be found throughout the house. They are in cookbooks, in desk drawers, in dresser drawers, in the side door of the car. I do not read them every day but I stumble upon them frequently enough to keep special memories vivid and vibrant in my mind.
There are days when my heart is discouraged or even hurting and I need to read about how much I loved the man who has just wounded my spirit. There are moments when insecurity and doubt flood my soul. Stumbling upon a card in which David has proclaimed that I mean the world to him and that he is counting down the hours till he can be home with me again, lifts me to the very gates of heaven.
Ladies, lets face it, if your man isn’t the note type, a written card may not happen often. David isn’t a note writer, his love language is grabbing my hand in public and showing the world I am his. His thoughts in written form may be infrequent, but when they are delivered via a note they mean the world to me and I savor and cherish them. His cards mean as much to me years later as they did the day he handed them to me. He is the same man who pursued me with passion and resolve and I know the words he wrote yesterday will remain true tomorrow.
Ladies, go plant a few love notes, and begin the habit of keeping the passion flying between you and your partner, even when you are apart. If you can’t find any pieces of love laying about, now is the time to start your collection : ) Slip a note in your husbands lunch and steal it back when the lunch box is returned in the evening. Don’t be surprised however, if the note winds up in his own personal stash.
Stay tuned Sunday for another secret and challenge to keep the spark of love alive in your marriage. The March giveaway is still going away and will be updated at the bottom of tomorrow’s post.