Why couples need to fight!
It has been said that it is extremely hard for soldiers to adjust to life after they leave active duty. An unbreakable bond of fellowship and comradery is forged when humans toil, sacrafice, and fight for a common goal, be it an x on a map or life itself. This bond is not formed overnight, but link by link, day in and day out. An unbreakable bond forms as they tolerate physical punishment, long days, lonely nights, and months away from family. While the cost may be high, the fruit of their labor is more than a battle won, or foe defeated. They are unified.
Husband’s and wives need to fight……..together!
“The fruit of a good battle” has energized our marriage. Recently, my husband and I have joined together, side by side, to fight two battles. The first began early last year. The second just three weeks ago. After I tell you what these battles are, you might shake you head and think “I don’t get it!” but stick with me as I explain.
Battle number one was our finances. Between house repairs, medical bills, necessaties, and carefree spending, we had accumilted mounting credit card deibt. David has worked for his father since he was fourteen, but eight years into our marriage we had absolutely no savings. David decided we needed a budget, and thought moderating a thirteen week Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom Seminar at our business was a great way to start. I remember the first time we sat down to go over spending, I cried. When we got to the gift budget I cried even more. I knew what my husband was fighting for was absolutely nesessary, but I loved to buy things for people. It hurt to be reigned in. The first few monthly budget meetings were painful, emotionally and physically. My gut actually hurt as I imagined all the things I would not be able to buy my kids and extended family, but each week I duitfully withdrew money, filled my little envelops, and learned to live on a cash only basis for everyday spending.
Battle nuber two. This is perhaph the most monumental of all battles. I say is because we are right smack in the middle of this battle with many days to come. The targetted enemy last month became our health and eathing habits. My mama grew up on a farm and boy could she cook. Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money so we also ate a lot of cheap processed foods. Sugar-bam for breakfast, sandwiches & chips for lunch, and meat & potatoes for dinner. I took some not-so-good eating habbits into our marriage and tweaked them to become even worse habbits. Not all meals were bad, but the house was filled with Little Debbies, junk food galore, and candy. Don’t forget my secret obsession, Coke!!! After 3 kids, I thought I would be able to get rid of the weight, but I never found success. It seemed every diet and commitment to exercise resulted in extra lbs not fewer. With both of us nearly 20lbs over our pre-marriage weight, David decided we needed to go to battle for the sake of our health.
Couples’s who fight together for something form an emotional bond.
This may sound absurd, but I can’t begin to explain what has happened to our marriage as we have fought for something together. I tried many times to “be good” with my spending habits, but I failed. I was a failure when it came to money. I felt guitly every day and I worried about finances all the time. I hated the way I looked. Once I was an athletic, in-shape woman who could compete in anything I put my hand to. I tried to loose weight and exercise daily but I failed.
To say I thought little of myself and had some complex issues would be putting it lightly. I was in a self induced failure mode. I failed with money, my weight, exercise, and at winning in general or so I felt. The day my husband took my hand and went to battle with me changed my life!
As we fought to dig our way out of deibt and establish wise spending habits David was never gruff or acusing. He let me explain my heart when it came to gifts, and other expenditures. With gentleness, patience, and widsom he considered my strengths and weakness and then set boundaries that guaranteed success. It felt good to win together! It was exciting to see our deibts decrease while savings increased. The day we paid off our last credit card, I felt like I had won the biggest contest I had ever competed in. The fear, guilt and dread is gone, and hardly a week goes by that I don’t find myself thanking my husband for the decisions he made that enabled us to become good stewards of our finances. Fighting for and winning the battle over finances was one of the best gifts my husband has ever given me. It trumps all chocolate, flowers, and almost a box of jelly-bellies.
David is my partner as we fight for our health. He knows how discouraged I have been with months of exercise and no weight loss. My husband can drop weight simply by thinking about being skinny but I am a different bird! David didn’t need me in order to loose weight and get in shape, but he loved me enough to come along side me and fight the battle with me. Together we have educated ourselves, shopped, poured over recipe books, and my favorite, cooked healthy meals together. Boy can my man cook!!! We work out, exercise, and even run together. (Please don’t ask who wins yet : ) When David comes home, with pride I tell him what I have eaten and the temptations I have resisted and he congratulates me. In three weeks I have only lost a few pounds, but I a pumped. We are fighting together and our hearts are knit.
We did not start these two journeys, financial peace & healthy lifestyle, as a therapeutic means to revitalize our marriage, but they have added a spark and energy that astounds me.
Couples, you need to fight for something.
Maybe you don’t have weight issues or financial problems like we did, but there is always something that needs to be improved or strengthened in our lives and relationships. Fighting for something together will bind your hearts together with amazing chemistry. Our neighborhoods are filled with spouses that don’t need eachother. Promising marriages fall apart when couples do not value their relationship enough to fight for it. Sometimes these battles are painfully unwanted and thrust upon us. Relationships severed through infidelity, immorality, & addiction, are ugly and long, but these aren’t the only battles we can engage in.
Husband, ask your wife if there is something discourages her, and go to battle with her. Help her succeed, don’t watch her fight alone, especially if she is feels defeated.
Wife, without using the dreaded phrase “Can we talk”, figure out if there is something husband could use encouragement in, and fight like a lioness for him. Your encouragement and support will garner love, affection, and his loyalty.
Spouses, gaze into the spiritual arena, and as a couple pick a “foe” and together conquer it. We are sinful and will be till eternity, so the list of “enemies” will not be exhausted until Christ returns. Maybe its less TV, or better tv choices. Maybe you feel led to pray together, get up early for devotions, or memorize scripture together. Identify it together, formulate a plan together, and fight for it together.
Husbands, I love my spouse dearly, and I loved him as much as I thought possible, but as David has gone to battle with me, the Lord has enlarged my heart for him in an amazing way. He has stepped up to the plate filling the role of help meet by demonstrating he loves me and cherishes me through simple acts like cooking the meat for our healthy salad so I will not ruin it, and with simple words like “Way to go babe.” Not all battles have to make us cringe, and some can be fun and very rewarding.
Husbands, we don’t like to admit it, but we are weak and often times things like our weight, finances our how we deal with our children are like mill stones around our necks. We drag them with us every day, silently fighting a battle that leaves us discouraged and defeated. Would you fight with us? We we can’t do it alone. We don’t want you to fight for us, we just can’t do it alone.
Wives, your husbands are beat down day in and day out at work. Their shoulders can droop heavily with the unseen and relentless pressures of work and demands at home. They don’t want you to fight their battles for them, but they want to know you believe in them, and are with them every step of the way, not formulating escape routes for when they fail. Will you come along side your husband and cheer them on. Wives, our husbands need us to be their biggest fan. We should all be wearing jerseys with their name and number on the back! Go paint your faces and get yout foam finger on and root for your man. You will endear yourself to him for eternity.
Couples, lets fight!!!
Do you have any battle stories? What battles have you fought together? How has it helped your marriage?
Thanks for stopping by Joey and thank you for the link and reference.
Neat post; what a blessing! After reading this, I realized that me and my husband have found our common enemy, and yes, it has been bonding for us…
Thank you for stopping by. I am glad you have found something to “fight together” over! Blessings to you as you live life in the trenches together.
can’t tell you how I found my way to your blog..but you asked if we had any battle stories and how it has helped our marriage…we’ve been married 33 years this Spring. In answer to your question. here’s a recent blog post that touches on that question directly :http://hearttoheart.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/house-meetings/ feel free to delete the link if you like. I don’t like to put links to my blog w/o permission. it feels tacky 🙂 DM
Thank you so very much for sharing your post. I Appreciate you sharing invaluable words of wisdom and experience. Do you mind if I place a link to it on my page “Overcoming in Marriage”?
oh, yes. that would be fun. thanks for asking. 🙂 DM