Peace For Today: When My Heart is Overwhelmed!

Psalm 61:1-4
Hear my cry O God. Attend to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I will cry unto you,
when my heart is overwhelmed within me,
lead me to the rock that is higher than I
For you have been a shelter for me,
a strong tower from the enemy
I will abide in your tower forever,
I will trust in the covert of your wings.

Where do you go when fear strikes? What do you do when anxiety rears its ugly head?


I love the beautiful image David casts of his journey through anxiety and uncertainty. His thought process, prayer, and pilgrimage through times like we are experiencing today has been a great source of comfort to me, helping me to center my focus and quiet my heart.

“While man is the creator of chaos and pain, the only true source of Hope and Peace is the One True God and Creator of all things, the Lord Jesus Christ!“

“Hear my cry O God. Attend to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I will cry unto you“

When overwhelming circumstances come our way, who or where do we turn to 1st? It is very easy for me to search for statistics, stories, and sources that produce information which confirm “things are OK”. The only problem is that for every stat or source I find there are often as many contradictory stats or stories that surface. If you add in the disheartening scenario like we have today where no amount of facts seem to be able to break through the walls of misinformation, deception, and outright lies- what began as manageable anxiety over the unknown morphs to downright frustration and even anger.

David’s first step in Psalm 61 is a movement to quiet his heart, center his focus, and remind himself that While man is the creator of chaos and pain, the only true source of Hope and Peace is the One True God and Creator of all things, the Lord Jesus Christ!


Like a child that has just been pushed down by the neighborhood bully, David runs to his “Abba” daddy father to make things right. “Hear my cry” or listen to the troubles that burden my heart he utters to his Father. “Attend to my prayer” Daddy, give full attention and all your effort to helping me with my conflict he demands. David is pleading with God to take notice and to take action! Stats will never bring peace or hope. Sinful, fallen, imperfect people are incapable of bringing security or salvation. This world is broken and corrupt. Chaos will continue to grow and spread. BUT we serve a True and Faithful God who never changes, and in whom there is “No shadow of turning.” In him we find constancy and solid ground. David realized that anxiety of heart, caused by the brokenness of the world, finds rest only in the power and person of a Faithful God who never changes. So David’s focus turns from trying to figure out how he can change the people and circumstances causing his distress, focusing instead upon the Faithfulness and Power of the God of Salvation.

“David realized that anxiety of heart, caused by the brokenness of the world, finds rest only in the power and person of a Faithful God who never changes”

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I”


The heart- (our mind & our collection of thoughts, beliefs, and understanding) is the epicenter where the battles of anxiety and fear take place. Our amazing body takes in the world around us and within milliseconds processes what is seen, heard, felt and sensed. Drawing from years of collected experiences, knowledge, and beliefs, our bodies then take action based upon what we believe to be true.


Quite often, an overwhelmed heart is one in which “Truth” has been drowned out by the fears of “what could be” and/or the experiences of “what has already been.” David’s cry of “Lead me to a rock, higher that I“ is such a profound statement. David, battling anxiety, fear, and probably even anger, recognizes that in that moment he is dwelling in a place where fear, anxiety, and anger thrives because his mind and heart isn’t where it needs to me. Man’s mind, body, thoughts, and, intellect are limited and imperfect and David realized residing physically and spiritually in a place limited by his physical body and intellect, he would find no rest. David understood that a change in the Spiritual location and the focus of his heart, spiritual eyes, and quite possibly even the physical location of his eyes and body were needed in order to vanquish the overwhelming feelings of despair and hopelessness. And so his prayer continues, confessing to the Lord that he understood he was not where he should be while also asking God to “lead him to the place “Higher” than himself, where he needed to be. A place that extended beyond his kingdom and provided a power, wisdom, and protection far beyond what even he, anointed king and ruler could provide. And don’t miss the important fact that there was a spiritual climb (and possibly a physical one too- perhaps to the sanctuary to pray some more) to get from point A– anxiety and distress, to point B– peace and hope. David didn’t get to simply ask to be transported to peace and hope. David understood that he had to take an active role to get to that place of peace and security- He had to aggressively engage in a journey from where he was presently to where he needed and wanted to be.

“Quite often, an overwhelmed heart is one in which “Truth” has been drowned out by the fears of what could be” and/or the experiences of “what has already been.”

“For you have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy”

I had the opportunity to counsel quite a few women through incapacitating anxieties and fear. The experiences of past abuse, present sorrows, and perceived future dangers were a constant and deafening noise to ears struggling to hear the voice of reason and truth. When tackling debilitating anxieties and fear, I often went to this Psalm as a source of encouragement and direction.

On a white board I would draw the counselee in the midst of a battle field and we would discuss the “enemies they battled. I would ask them to imagine the situations, memories, fears, and even people standing before them, that they mentally and emotionally went to war with on a daily basis. We would discuss how overwhelming and even hopeless the “enemy” looming before them often seemed. From their vantage point, the life they lived appeared to pit one (themselves) against so many others.

After reading this Psalm and discussing the need for movement from point A to point B, I would draw a shelter between the counselee and their enemies and then ask why they should run into this place of refuge? They would mention things like: With a shelter, they experienced safety because they were no longer out in the open, exposed and helpless. The place of refuge allowed them periods of rest when weary because they didn’t always have to fight…. in the shelter they were completely hidden from the gaze of their enemies and within the walls they were always protected. Once surrounded by these walls they were no longer exposed, vulnerable, and alone.

“In the “Strong tower” she now had the advantage not just defensively but offensively! What a liberating truth!!!”

My favorite part of the verse came next. With the dry marker we transformed that shelter into something so much more formidable as we add depth and height making it into a tall “Strong Tower.” This tower was not only fortified and safe, it loomed over the battlefield. I would ask the counselee what had changed about the battle she was now facing, aside from the fact she was no longer out in the open and vulnerable because she was inside and sheltered. She was able to recognize the fact that the presence of a “strong tower” shifted the battle to her favor because her position in the tower provided her with a new vantage point. She was now above her enemies and she could see the entire battlefield and the boundaries within which she fought. She could see the enemy clearly and the tower allowed her to see their numbers, limitations, strengthen, weaknesses, and movements. She could see and understand the weapons they had brought to attack her with and she now knew exactly what weapons she needed in order to engage in battle and defeat them
In the “Strong tower” she now had the advantage not just defensively but offensively! What a liberating truth!!!


What beautiful imagery of the Spiritual battles we fight today. Yes COVID is a real physical disease, the riots and chaos on the news today present real physical threats and financial burdens. Lost jobs and future uncertainties are very real and palpable fears BUT God’s word tells us that the the battles we wage as children of the King are not merely physical but Spiritual in nature. We do not strive and wage war to preserve a physical life and worldly goods. We engage in battle to win and preserve what can never be taken away from us, a Spiritual Heritage, incorruptible, imperishable. We groan and strain under the burden of a broken world and corrupt society with hope because we know we are just strangers and sojourners here, looking for another Kingdom promised to us by our Heavenly father. Our fears, anxiety originate in this broken and fallen physical world but often they are fought predominately on a spiritual battlefield. A spiritual battle already won for us at the cross when Jesus rose from the dead in glorious victory over sin His Father placing all things under his feet including all rulers, powers, and dominions!


Today, if you find your heart “Overwhelmed” and peace and joy fleeting, follow David’s journey to the “Strong Tower” of God’s presence. If you are overwhelmed, you are not where you need to be spiritually, and quite possibly physically (For me often the wrong physical place is often facebook:) Ask God to lead you into His presence and to open your ears and eyes to the truth that liberates and brings peace and freedom. Step into His presence, into that “Strong “Tower” and let His Word, and His Truth” shed light on the battlefield before you. Let His presence and His Power change both your perspective of who or what the enemy is that you are to fight, how you are equipped to fight, and the true cause you are called to fight for.
Blessings and Peace!

Why monuments are’t our biggest problem…How Nelson Mandela Got it Wrong…and Why Racism Will Continue.

True history is a record of verifiable facts free from the prejudice of man. It must contain both his honorable, valiant, and noble deeds which ignite pride and gratefulness, as well as the deplorable and incomprehensible works of darkness that evoke shame and horror. Not one single piece of history is void of the deeds of both honorable and dishonorable men and women.

Because the heart of every man is filled with sin, every moment of recorded history is sullied and tarnished by his hatred, greed, and the effects of the natural depravity of his heart and soul. Every noble conflict is tarnished by the heinous deeds of inherently sinful and selfish men and women. Every vile conflict is filled with glimmers of light as men and women of honor and integrity stood against treachery, advocating for justice and equality for all. To demand that all history touched by the imperfections and prejudices of man be erased, as if by doing so you can punish those men and women for the sins they committed decades and centuries ago, is completely irrational!

George S quoteThe purpose of history, so wisely stated by Italian philosopher George Santayana,  is to educate humanity about the past BECAUSE “Those who don’t remember history are condemned to repeat it!” History educates us! It helps us to see how the unspeakable became possible. History reveals how ignorance and prejudice has fueled hatred and the murder of innocent men and women for thousands of years. It lets us consider and become aware that even the most pure of intentions can be skewed by the natural depravity of man’s heart bent towards selfish sinful self love. 

Erasing history is a global suicide mission with self destruction as the only possible end game! Systematically removing the monuments and records of every evil man, women, and event in this world, so that we can in essence remove any and all traces of his evil heart, will not end until every monument, statue, plaque and book is destroyed. Removing evidence of the the mistakes, sins, and ignorance of those in the past will not remove those very mistakes, sin, and ignorance still present in the heart of every man today.

Today I stumbled across an article that troubled me greatly. In the report a protester declared Christopher Columbus to be a man with a “White supremacist mindset.” How in the world this person or any person living today claims they are able to know and interpret the thoughts, intents, and heart of a man dead and buried over a thousand years baffles me. Based on that assumption this person felt they have the right to call for the removal of a monument erected in 1910, honoring the courage of “Italians who immigrated to Detroit” seeking freedom and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. What’s even more disturbing was that this clamoring to remove the monument wasn’t the original object of the protest. This Monument only came under fire after the search for other politically incorrect monuments came up empty.

Perhaps the quest to remove the “monuments” of those we deem unworthy has more to do with hiding the conditions of our own hearts here in the present than it is about the exposing the evil in the hearts of those from our past. Maybe mandatory history exams should be required of all protesters before any more monuments and records of history are removed! protest memeThe last time I studied history, the driving force behind the voyage that brought Christopher Columbus to America was the desire to find a new trade rout and resources with which humanity could sustain them self. Never in the annals of history have I ever heard it be charged that “white supremacy” drove Columbus or any other explorer to set sail, set foot, or ride to discover the unknown! If this protester were in fact correct, and the true motivation behind Columbus’ exploration was his own supremacy, it isn’t white man we would have to declare to be governed by a supremacist mindset, it would be Spaniard Supremacy we would have to go after.

Did prejudice, hate, murder, and slavery spread like cancer across the new world? Yes, and every other continent inhabited by mankind! Man abusing man existed long before Columbus set sail, and long before the Civil War began. Every act of hate exists because greed and self love has always existed deep within the core of his being. No human escapes this curse. It is a global fall and a global predicament. Native Americans killed, and were suppressed and killed by their own people groups long before Columbus showed up. Africans and people of all nations who were enslaved and brought to America (and the host of other countries riff with slavery), murdered, were murdered, and were oppressed by their own people groups long before they were violently ripped from the soil of their own countries. 

importantAtrocities are perpetuated and wars begun when one person or people group asserts that their humanity, rights and desires are more valid and important than everyone else’s. At the core of this mindset it the sick cancer of self-love. A love fueled by the belief my life is more important than any others. Because my life is all that matters, I have the right to decide to do or not do anything that pleases or benefits me and me alone! This is how one man can justify the enslavement of another. This is how one  can justify stealing the property of another. This is how one justifies destruction of another man’s property. This is how justifies murder, rape, adultery, theft, and abortion.

Regardless, as humanity once again turns against itself, to its own demise and destruction, every protest and every news article makes a most excellent “Case for Christ.”

This past week former President Obama also lit up the internet, responding to racial unrest by tweeting a famous quote from Nelson Mandela. NelsonFor those seeking answers and desperate for any semblance of a return to sanity in the midst of dark chaos, this quote rang true. While I am hopeful that our world might finally be ready for a wake up call, I find myself apprehensive and doubtful that we are actually heading in the right direction. You see the very quote encouraging an end to racism and hate in truth reveals why it still remains and will continue to exist and divide nations.

Contrary to Mr. Mandela’s claim, man is born filled to the brim with the capacity to hate and the natural desire to do so. Did you teach your kids to hit each other, steal from one another, devour the spirit of another with their words? NOPE! That came natural!  Jeremiah 17 states that the heart of man is the most deceitful thing in existence and beyond that Jeremiah asserts that man’s heart is desperately wicked. Yes, society plays an active role rationalizing the hatred of a man directed towards those it deems undesirable and worthless, BUT the fact is, before hate is given socitial permission to flow, it all ready resides at the core of man’s soul. Hate never lays dormant! It is violent, angry, and always calling for action and an avenue of expression. Even if we were to abolish all forms of hatred directed towards a person simply because of his/her skin color or nationality, we would be no better off as a society.

All forms of hate are vile and detestable, but a moral shift in society has proclaimed that certain forms of hate are permissible. Every single human on the face of the earth was born with a heart filled with hate. Without ever being taught or coaxed to explore that hateemotion, every living breathing human on the face of the earth will not only demonstrate that hate but also look for ways to rationalize and justify it, FOR the root of all hate is self love. Self love raises its head when a man steals an item from a store, a boss, or a neighbor. Self love is evidenced when a woman kills with her word or wounds with her hands. Hate extinguishes lives, abuses the innocent, bullies the weak, demeans the downtrodden and declares all others different from themselves to be less than human. Self love declares I am the most important thing on earth and anything that gets in my way or keeps me from what I want is the enemy and worthy of my anger, ire, and retribution. If a baby gets in the way of my career I have the right to kill it. If a man is married to a woman I like and find desirable I will steal her……and the list of acceptable acts of hate multiply because I have given myself the power and authority to make any decision because I am all that matters. What happens when masses of humanity, each with differing opinions about what is worthy of life (based on whether it adds value to their existence or helps them attain the life they want) rise up ????? You get what you have seen the past few days, weeks, years, decades, and centuries, anarchy, Hate, chaos, hAte, riots, haTe, beatings, hatE, theft, Hate, vandalism, hAte, murder, haTe, war, HATE………………………………When my happiness and success is all that matter, all that matters is that I get what I want, not the means by which I attained what I want!!!!!

While the world engages in an battle of epic proportions over diversity, arguing to the point of violence and then excusing the bloody and violent outcome, the very nature of self love is on display. When man cares more about the right to say I am right and you are wrong than he does for the human life and relationships he violently sacrifices in order to be able to brag he has won, self love is at its best.  When society can stand and fight for the rights of one people group while at the same time justifying the total extermination of another based on brain faculty there you see the dark face of self love!

“Iceland Has Almost Eliminated

Down Syndrome Births Through Abortion“

Racism isn’t our problem it is merely a symptom.  Self love is the monster we must address and hedonism the dragon to be slain! So what is the cure? We are told that there has never been a more powerful demonstration of love towards mankind than when one man laid down his life for another. The kicker is that this actual physical sacrifice  and death wan’t an even exchange. It wasn’t a good man dying for an even more noble and worthy man. It wasn’t a good man repaying the favor of another. For while we were still sinners, swimming in the mire of self love and depravity and hate, Jesus Christ died for us.   This is what true Love looks like. It is a love that can abolish racism and all other acts of violence. It is a love that sees fellow man as beautiful and worthy not because I deem him so but because he was created in the very image of the God of the Universe. True love understands that when much has been given much is required in return. The only hope we have to end racism and ALL other forms of hate is love and the only way we can exchange hate for love is to accept the Love of the one who first demonstrated what love looks like.

 

John 316

A husband’s greatest need….is for you not to “need” him.

A husband’s greatest need….

One of the most difficult lessons I have learned in 14 short years of marriage is this-

One of the greatest gifts I can give my husband is to not “need” him.

You see, by nature we are very needy women.  Early in my life, I took great prided in my physical and emotional strength and abilities. When I turned twenty-eight, that facade of inner and outer strengthen was obliterated when I entered into a life long covenant with my husband David. The union of two saints who possessed hearts that groaned daily under the burden of sin and self,  exposed a frailty and neediness I had no idea I had become a slave to.

I needed my husband to be romantic and write notes and send flowers like he did when we were dating, in order to feel secure in our relationship and love. I needed him to come home from work on time in order to ensure my troubled heart that our children and I were the most important thing in his life. I needed him to choose spending time with me/us rather than playing games on the internet and reading articles that weren’t nearly as interesting as I though I was, in order to feel loved and cherished. I desperately needed to see him look away from sultry dressed women as they passed by and to publicly wage bloody warfare against the endless stream of immorality and porn on the internet in order to feel a sense of worth and beauty. I needed him to visibly demonstrate he was a mighty man of God by getting up early and spending time in the word and in prayer in order to rest assured our home was pleasing to God and under His spiritual protection. This “I need” list was massive and dictated my days and my nights. When these things did not happen with the frequency or to the degree I thought they should, I willingly boarded an emotional and mental roller coaster laden with endless hills of self pity, fear, jealousy, doubt, anger, withdrawal….The mood and spirit of our home was unwillingly drug behind the erratic flight of my unstable and distorted coaster called “Neediness” and “frailty.” My peace was determined solely upon my perception of “how” I thought my husband was performing in life both spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I had no idea how destructive this “neediness” was to our marriage and my life spiritually until God mercifully broke me and then faithfully bound my soul back together by exposing the sinfulness and idolatry of my heart.

Six years into our marriage, on the outside, life seemed perfect.We had a cozy home, three beautiful children, and an uncanny absence of public turmoil or strife in our lives. Secretly I reveled in this. Hearing about the marital/relational struggles of others feed the monster of pride that steadily grew in my heart. A pride that blinded me to a smothering darkness in my life and marriage. Didn’t I deserve a perfect marriage and a perfect husband? I had done it all right, hadn’t I? I had waited 28 years for the right one. I had endured years of loneliness, disappointment, discouragement, and unfulfilled desires. David meant everything to me, but the image of a perfect life meant even more. I was willing to do or not do whatever it took to maintain the image of a perfect marriage. I buried hurts, swallowed back disappointment, and turned my head away from the things my heart screamed were off.

In one fleeting second, God humbled my proud heart with His heavy but loving hand of correction.  My heart was shattered and the facade of a perfect marriage ripped apart. I was not the perfect wife I thought myself to be. My husband was not the perfect man my pride had fashioned and placed as god in my life.  I was insecure and in my insecurity I had looked to my marriage and my husband for purpose, fulfillment, and meaning. Success was measured by the degree to which David met my needs as well as the absence of conflict and strife in our lives. My husbands happiness had been my goal because this was a measurable standard I could wear with pride. I needed my husband to be the perfect husband and father. I needed him to return to our home each evening happy and content. This is what I strove for while denying the failures and spiritual needs in my own life. It was much easier to remain silent, play the part of the perfect wife, and uphold the facade the peace than to address and conquer the spiritual darkness in our lives and in our home.

I needed David to be the perfect husband and father not because this was what was best for him but because this was what was best for me.  If he was perfect I would not hurt. If he was perfect I would not have needs unmet. If he was perfect, I could look perfect too. If I was perfect I could acquire the esteem of others.  I could dress up the outside of Jody and neglect the more painful and ugly Jody inside.

How my life changed…..

After an extremely painful trial in our marriage, I resisted seeking out Biblical counsel for myself and instead spent two years bound in a prison of fear and hurt. I didn’t know how to repair the pieces of my shattered heart but I was desperate for peace and healing. Like the stubborn child who insist on having things their own way, I did what I had always done, I placed the responsibility squarely on my husband shoulders. I decided I needed him to do a, b, and c to repair the broken pieces and bring healing to my life. I needed him to be strong, perfect, and daily reassure me I would never hurt again. This did not work because I was asking my husband to do something he  would never be capable of, perfection.

There is but one person who can accomplish what I demanded of my husband. Somewhere between single life and marriage, I placed my husband and marriage on the throne of my heart. I put a human with a sinful heart in a position only Christ could fill, demanding he play a role only God was capable of.

Sin can not produce holiness, peace can not rise from the ashes of chaos. Disease can not spawn healing. Only the God of Peace can bring peace. Only God the Righteous Judge can be, demand, and make one righteous. Only the Eternal, All Powerful, All Loving God can fill the abyss of a broken and needy heart. My needy heart needed it’s neediness to be reoriented to the one who never disappoints and never fails. It was in this moment of brokenness that God opened my eyes to the truth that my greatest need was Christ. In turn I discovered that my pursuit of fulfillment in Him this was the greatest gift I could ever give my husband and family.

You see, My husband’s greatest need was for me to “not need him”, but instead be possessed, driven, and overcome by my need for God. Our poor husbands are doomed for failure when we insist on placing them in a position they can’t measure up to. My liberation day came when I realized my peace and joy was not dependent upon my husband’s godly integrity, moral victories and spiritual growth. My healing and confidence came when I realized I could experience disappointment, failure, and pain in my marriage and life and still be “okay.” With my focus off my husband and on my own heart, sin, and needs, I found freedom, healing, and peace. A perfect marriage and husband would never bring peace and happiness, but a Jody with an upright and perfect heart toward God could experience and revel in a peace and joy unspeakable. When I could say “whom have I in heaven but Thee and there is none I desire beside thee” then peace, contentment, and joy would rain down. When my heart could echo David’s cry “My soul thirsts for you and my flesh longs for you” then I would experience a strength empowered by a Divinely given neediness, I was meant to experience daily. I was created needy so that I would daily, out of that neediness, peruse the strength of another. So that I would be driven to the throne and to the feet the the Savior who would gloriously and faithfully meet those needs.

What is your greatest need?

Perhaps you are hurting, looking at the shattered pieces of your heart and wondering how or if it is even possible to repair what has been so painfully broken. Has something been taken or withheld? Has your love been betrayed or cast aside? Please believe me when I say “beauty can rise among the ashes”, and “joy can  follow the cries of great sorrow.” Do not look at what or who has brought such pain or grief. Do not place the role of healer in their hands, this is a job they can not shoulder or fulfill.  This is the curse and product of sinful man and why he stands in such contrast with our Savior. Instead look to the only one capable of healing the broken, giving rest to the weary, bringing peace to the troubled. You need a Savior, a Redeemer, a Comforter. Yes God can transform the lives of those who have disappointed, frustrated, and wounded us but healing will never be found solely in another’s transformation but through our own.  You need Christ, not a husband. Your need the Righteous Judge, not a perfect spouse, life, marriage or family.

Jesus cry was “Come unto me and I will give rest”, “Know the truth and it will set you free….I am the truth”, “drink of the water I give..and never thirst” Let your gaze fall upon Him, let your heart rest upon Him. Set your hope and expectation upon He who never sleeps, never falters, who sees all, hears every cry, who is sufficient.

May the God of Peace fill you with peace!!!

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On the edge of that glad surrender

On the Water’s edge…..

Free Image of a Boy Fishing on the Beach. Click Here to Get Free Images at Clipart Guide.comI stand on the shoreline with my son, who wiggles about more violently than the worm I just skewered with a fishing hook.  As I attempt to remove slimy worm deposits from my fingers, my boy impatiently scans the lake before him, looking for signs of the hungry fish he has come to catch.  I smile at the energetic five-year old, dancing about beside me. He looks like he is about to pop out of his skin from  excitement.  I hand him the freshly loaded pole, but before I can launch into a “fish hook safety” lecture, a worm whizzes past my cheek plopping into the murky water that laps at out bare feet. Ripples race across the surface of the water like sonar, alerting the unsuspecting fish to our presence. Before the last expanding circles have had time to disappear, my son eagerly begins to reel in his line.

“Hold on there Owen.” I admonish. You have to leave it out there a while and wait for the fish to bite. He looks at me with a mixture of frustration and disbelief. He does not understand why nothing has happened. For five grueling seconds he has waited for his offering to disappear, and in his opinion, countless fish should be floundering at our feet.

I Peter 5: 6-7 ESV

Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God

So that at the proper time he may exalt you.

Casting ALL your anxiety on him

because he cares for you.

The Happy Exchange, that Glad Surrender….

I am not unlike my impatient son. I also stand at the water’s edge, my hands filled with the “things” I desperately need to cast from weary shoulders and aching heart.  I have come with burdens and the need for direction and assurance. Years of pain and sorrow have made me impatient to rid my flesh of the “old way of life.” My spirit is eager to make a very lopsided exchange with the Father who cares deeply for me.  My son understands a fish is so much better than the slimy worm dangling  helplessly from his pole. I recognize that what He asks for and what He offers in exchange is so much better than the “things” that collect both spiritually and physically in my cluttered heart and life. As I stand at the water’s edge, hands grimy with the things of this earth, my soul cries out “Father I believe, help my unbelief!”

I am humbled by the fact He is willing to take what little I have to offer. My hands extend upward, offering up the grimy and broken parts of my life, clinging to the promise I can exchange what little I posses to obtain what He promises in abundance to pour out. Refreshing currents of hope lap at my tired feet as I recall similar visits to this  shore. I recount vivid moments in time when the healing waters of his grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness washed away the black ashes of pain, weariness, and sorrow. Beauty has always emerged from beneath the ashes. My mourning always transformed to dancing. Exuberant songs of praise lifted high, the fruit of prayers offered up as sacrifices from a needy heart.

I stand on the shoreline with my Father, impatient for those needed moments of spiritual exchange. He looks deep within my heart, gently admonishing me to let go of the “things” that smother life and drain energy from my breast.  Some burdens are relinquished with the childlike eagerness of my impatient son. Others are harder to cast away, for I am ever reluctant to relinquish control. Then there are the “things” I have no clue how to sever from my life. Sorrows and burdens that cling to my heart with a relentless persistence. The weakness of humanity can be so very frustrating! How easily I forget that I don’t have to be strong. How often I chaff over my inability to conquer on my own!

The ripples of his grace relentlessly tug at the sand beneath my weary feet. The foundations I once clung to yield to the persistent currents of  His faithfulness and steadfast love. Without effort, I find myself drawn one step closer to He who is Peace. The sweet relief of His unfathomable mercy pours down over my parched heart as The Comforter gently whispers, “Remember my daughter, weakness is not a curse, but a window that invites humility as its sacred guest.”  I smile as I Peter 5:6-7 echoes in my mind….. Humility ushers us into that grand arena of opportunity, where room is made for the mighty Hand of God, and where the needy is exalted.

Today, I will unfold my chair and settle comfortably at the water’s edge. I am not sure how long my prayers will dance across marcandangelthe surface. His gift, that sweet exchange between earth and heaven might take place before the ripples have time to fade. Then again the echoes of my longing heart might disappear beneath the surface of His faithfulness, long before I receive His answers. I am here for the long haul. I have no idea if I will receive deliverance from my weaknesses, answers to my questions, or direction in my wanderings. Perhaps today my catch will not be answers, but rather grace sufficient to endure. The moon might rise before I reel in my line, heavy with His Divine exchange. The stars might keep diligent watch with me throughout the night, but one thing I know, I will not walk away from His presence disappointed. I will cast my line into the vast ocean of His abundant grace and mercy and I will wait for that happy exchange, that glad surrender! Worms for fish…grace for the redeemed.

Psalm 39:7 KJV

And now, Lord, What wait I for? 

My hope is in thee.


Covered in Grace

The amazing sunset photo used with permission via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/02/25/how-to-make-all-the-difference-in-the-world/
Other Photos used w/ permission:  http://www.clipartguide.com/_pages/0512-0705-1013-3712.html

If God isn’t Sovereign…….

An article hit the news stands last week producing a firestorm of responses from every possible world view and belief system. I have been thinking about the article and the various replies and felt compelled to respond with an observation missing from many of the “Religious” who criticized or rallied to support the declaration made during the interview of a professing Christian singer and songwriter.

 

rgue

 

With that being said, I want to clarify that my response is directed towards Christians. I draw this line because I believe it is futile to argue morality with a person who does not believe in the God who has Saved and redeemed my life. It is foolish to argue with anyone who does not believe in His Sovereign right to proclaim what is sin and what is holiness. I think it is silly for a Christian to expect a professing atheist to adhere to a set of moral standards and way of life when they do not acknowledge or serve the God who decreed them.

 

So, here we go….

 

First off, I can’t begin to fathom the pain, struggle, depression ect. that Vicky has gone through. My observations are not an attempt to downplay or write off her story or her years of suppressed pain. I am not declaring her struggle to be unworthy of consideration and response from the church and individual believers. My response is not a pro or anti-homosexuality statement but rather a statement regarding the error in which professing Christians are viewing God, in both her situation (homosexual struggle) and all others struggles that we find ourselves in.

 

I have never struggled with same-sex attraction. I have no idea what it is like to have affections for someone the same gender as myself after having been taught those affections if given into are sinful. Yet for the thousands of Christians like Vicky Beeching out there, there are thousands more like me who have known and experienced different darkness’s, and our pain is equally unfathomable to the Vicky’s out there. We live in a fallen world, and because sin resides in the heart of every man, woman, and child. Pain, destruction, and darkness hits everyone in many different ways and throughout all seasons of life.

 

Many years ago, my world was crushed and turned upside down. Someone I loved betrayed my love and trust, and in the aftermath, my heart wasdep ground into so many pieces, I believed it impossible to ever be made whole again. I was so broken, I despised my life. I hurt so badly, I just wanted to disappear into a dark hole and never come out again. As a result of the wounds I suffered, I became incapacitated with fear and had emotional and physical panic attacks on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. My seemingly perfect life was replaced with a living hell I could not escape. Not a day passed by that I did not feel the pain and disappointment of my wounds. I had been robbed of so many things and I would never get them back. I did not choose to be hurt nor did I deserve to be hurt, but it had happened, and all I could do was look at the pieces of my broken and bleeding heart and weep.

 

In California, a dear sweet woman I know is battling for her life. Her body is riddled with a monstrous disease that not only robs her of her health, but also the ordinary every day moments and pleasures we all take for granted. She has 3 beautiful children and a loving husband. As she struggles through pain, rounds of chemo, depression, and fear, her mind is racked with anxiety over her family’s future. Every day she is given is a gift, but each day leaves her wondering how much time she has left to enjoy, love, and live life. She was not a bad person before cancer. She does not deserve this pain or this burden, but it is hers to carry.

 

I have a  friend, who had her childhood dream of love, marriage, and family crumble before her eyes. Just weeks into her fairy tale marriage, the man, who had appeared to everyone to be the epitome of godliness, love, and strength, revealed himself to be a verbally abusive, controlling monster. My friend had been a wonderful example to me. She loved the Lord and had faithfully served Him with all her heart during her single years. She had waited and saved herself for her husband. She is a “good woman” and in the world’s eyes, she does not deserve to wake up every day in a living hell married yet lonely and unloved, but this reality is her life

 

There is a godly, humble, loving couple who had their lives turned upside down and their plans drastically altered. A few years ago their 18-year-old son was involved in a car accident that left him mentally and physically handicapped for life. This young man loved and served the Lord with passion and zeal. He was looking forward to college, establishing his ministry, becoming a husband and father. He was an accomplished artist and musician but now he is fed, clothed, and his diapers changed by family and friends. His parents were looking forward to a new season of life as “empty nesters.” After faithfully raising their children, it was almost time for them to enter the season of life when they could fill their days focusing on each other. No more school bills, cooking for boys with bottomless pits for bellies. They were done with sleepless night worrying and praying for their kids as they made the transition from children to adulthood. In a moment, that dream was snatched from them and tragically replaced with one demanding even more sacrifice, heartache, and time. Instead of retirement and trips alone across the world, their situation now demands more time and energy than the first 18 years of all their children’s lives combined. Now they are bound to their home and devoted to the 24 hour daily care of their wheelchair bound son who may never walk, talk, or ever verbally recognize them again. They did not deserve to have their lives and dreams wrecked, but that dream was ripped away and a different one placed in their laps.

 

str w mt

 

Personal stories like these are endless. The stories of almost every “Hero of the faith” include periods, if not a lifetime, of great personal tragedy and conflict. As believers, our lives are filled with pain, disappointment, sorrow, and grief. It should not surprise us because Jesus himself told us “In the world you will have much tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.”

 

 

There is an Author and Finisher of each story above, including my story, your story, and Vicky’s story. No mistakes have been made in any of these people’s lives. God was not out to lunch when Vicky was created, nor was he taking a nap when the young man’s truck was t-boned at the intersection of his home town. The Creator was not distracted with other overwhelming issues when my friend said “I do” to her husband. The presence of death doesn’t signify the absence of God nor does it declare His indifference. My friend who battles cancer isn’t proof God does not exist or that if He does exist He  is a heartless and impersonal God. Suffering does not prove His impotence, lack of judgment, character, or ability, but rather it proclaims with fierceness how greatly He is needed in our lives. If God were not aware, not in charge, not in control, or not sovereign for even a fraction of a second, He would not be God!

 

If we confess and proclaim to serve the Sovereign and powerful Creator of the Universe, we must accept and glory in that Sovereignty during every season of life, including the times of deep sorrow, pain and loss. What we so often forget is, that the Sovereign and Glorious Lord of Creation has the right to choose who, and how, and when He will be exalted, honored, and glorified.  He may choose to bless a man with great talent and riches, allowing that man to glorify him with his excess and prosperous life. Throughout history, the Savior of our souls often chooses a different path for His children, confounding the “wise” as he not only allows, but rather calls His own to suffer. On Sunday, we worship and praise the Savior who sacrificed all on the cross, but so often struggle to understand His call to suffer when we are thrust in the middle of a chapter filled with pain and sorrow.

 

Vicky’s struggle with homosexuality, my broken heart, my friend’s broken body, broken and discarded dreams aren’t a mistake by God, garnering a green light to respond in any way that makes that pain and sorrow a little easier to bear, including sin. If our pain is too heavy to bear or our sorrow too grievous to carry, we do not get to say, it’s too much. We can’t call a press conference and declare God made a mistake in our situation, therefore what he has said to be right and true no longer applies to our life. If God’s Holiness, His Righteousness, His character, (that dividing gulf between himself and man) changes for just one moment in time, for one life, in one situation, He is no longer True, Just Righteous, Holy or God! (Any time the world, who has declared God to not exist, agrees with the declaration that God has made a mistake and changed His mind, we have great cause to pause and consider that view!)

 

Vicky’s life is indeed a grueling battle and her struggle painful, but such is the life of EVERY believer.

 

YET there is something greater than the pain and suffering of all the Vicky’s of the world and it is the Grace of the Savior of the Universe poured out abundantly upon the lives of all He has chosen to allow to suffer

SO THAT He might be glorified.

And so, some suffer for a season, and some most of their lives,

yet He Is LORD!

 

Sadly, right now Vicky can not know or experience that grace, nor can she glory or glorify Him because she has chosen not to trust, obey, and submission to His purpose. Her declaration to herself and the world, that her response to her particular trial is ok will not bring her peace! The great news is that it is not too late for that miracle in her life or ours. By miracle, I do not mean the removal of Vicky’s homosexual desires or the instrument of pain in my life, but rather the astounding, other worldly, God Glorifying testimony of how He has graced her/me/us with the power and ability to say no to the flesh and yes to life a that is fulfilled and victorious despite the ever-present struggle with same-sex attraction/the daily battle to say no to our flesh.

 

Vicky is one of millions who suffer with burdens they never asked to carry,

and burdens the Lord has decided not to remove while they walk this earth.

 

For years I sinned in my heart and mind and with my actions towards the person who had so grievously hurt me. I believed my pain could never go away until they changed and their life was radically altered. Because they did not change, and my hurts remained, I felt justified to do whatever it took to deaden and appease my hurting heart. I begged God to take me out of the situation, I begged God to remove the fear, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression but it remained. My life did not get better by giving into my impulses, rather if got darker and more unsettled. Was God’s refusal to miraculously heal my heart to 100% wholeness, or His failure to change the heart of the person who hurt me proof I didn’t need to change? Was God’s silence a sign I had been left on my own to deal with my pain in any way I could manage? No!!!

 

You see my problem is also Vicky’s problem. It is the problem of all who struggle to obediently submit to the call to carry a burden to heavy for their own shoulders,

 

In the midst of great pain and sorrow, our situation doesn’t change because our hearts haven’t changed, and our hearts haven’t changed because often times, we seek the wrong solution our hearts fixed on the results of sin instead of the sinner itself..

 

prsInstead of asking God to get rid of the “thing” that makes our lives hard, we need to ask Him for grace to accept the trial He has chosen to place in our lives. In death is life, in weakness He is strong. This may seem trite, but there are millions who have suffered unjustly, grievously, and with patience and boldly proclaimed during the storm and after the storm, “It is well with my soul.”

 

This submission involves a transformation of our heart- as our affections are reoriented upon the right person. My life is no longer consumed with and frustrated by the pursuit of self-love and pleasure because HE matters more!

 

This involves transformation of our eyes– as our focus is drawn away from our own lives and struggles, where instead we daily gaze with rapture upon the Savior who Redeemed and ransomed our life from hell.

 

This involves a transformation of our mind– as our spirits are renewed and reoriented to fulfilling no other purpose other than obedience to the call and will of the Father….which is to glorify Him though our lives …..no matter the cost….

No Matter HOW He decides to do this.

For we are called to be HOLY and Joyful, not happy, gratified.

And yet in yielding Joy replaces weeping, beauty springs up from the ashes.

 

 

My prayer is that Vicky, and all Christians presently suffering through their own darkness and pain, will recognize it is not our struggle and our response that is to define and shape us, but rather the Lord of the Universe who ordained both the suffering and the gift of grace to not just endure but also triumph. It is He who defines and shapes our lives, through our struggles and pain.

 

For His purpose not ours,

Through His Ways not ours

For His glory not our own.

 

If you struggle like millions of other believers, take heart, He is Sovereign and in control. He has a plan that will accomplish His will, in His way, for His glory. Liberation of your heart, soul, and mind does not come through submission to the sin, but through submission to the plan and truth of the Savior who loves you enough to let you suffer. Suffering is not a sign God is absent, but rather that He is at work in your life with an amazing purpose in mind, He is going to bring glory to himself through your life. Be less concerned with the removal of the trial and more concerned with the removal of yourself. Get true biblical counseling from Godly,  Biblicaly sound counselors! You were never meant to struggle on your own. The body is there to lift up and edify. If you don’t come, “the Body” can’t help and both you and your brothers and sisters are being robbed of the blessing of Spiritual community. No sin, struggle, hurt or pain is beyond His ability and Grace. The cross was enough!

 

Next time: How God transformed and is transforming my life with Grace.

The Back Story

In writing, there is a term called the “Back-story.” The back-story is simply “background information about a real person or thing that wrtpromotes fuller understanding of it.”

 

As believers, our back-story, in many cases, becomes the cornerstone of our testimony.  Our back story begins with who we were before Christ- lost, blinded, desperate, needy, and dying. Added to that is the defining and life changing moment in time when we experienced merciful and gracious intervention. The day the Healer of our souls opened our eyes and heart  to our desperate need of a Savior. Our back story is the moment He allowed us to see we stood wanton and condemned before the awful and awesome Holy God of Eternity. Our back story was when Glory intervened among depraved humanity, revealing. condemning, ransoming, delivering, and Saving us so we could be who we were created, called, and  destined to become.

 

Unlike fictional work, our back-story is unique in that it is ongoing and will never be complete until Christ returns. At the end of every day, we have actively lived and experienced countless moments that bare witness of a faithful and glorious God actively at work among us. Our back story builds and swells ever moment of our lives, paving the way for the next.

 

Lamentation 3:19-27 says:

19I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.

 

What an eloquent summary of the back-story of every believer!

 

At night, when my head hits the pillow, I can and must reflect upon the back-story of the day. It is during these quiet periods of reflection that I am able to see quite possibly what my physical eyes missed during the chaotic moments of the day. For, every second I drew a breath, He was miraculously and glorious present in my life.

 

buildEvery moment of Divine intervention, grace, strength, joy, sorrow, suffering, and Victory, yet another row of “faith” bricks are laid. Each day’s faith bricks building upon the last, and not one line of my story takes place without His presence. He is there holding my life, my back-story, and my life story together. Within the Divine mortar that affirms, confirms, and establishes my life, the King and glorious Creator of the universe takes pleasure in weaving His presence and glory into my meager story, making it His own!

 

This amazing Montage of the Divine intertwined among raw, needy humanity shines more brilliant than the most beautiful of sunsets. Daily, and faithfully He builds, what human eyes can not fathom. Day by day He builds what makes the unseen heart soar and rise above circumstance and sorrow. Brick upon brick, story upon story, faithfulness that binds, grace that transforms, lives consumed by the glory of His love.

 

And from among the ash and the chaos of life His glorious church is built. The many become one. A mysterious and unified body. A million voices crying out in perfect, haunting harmony. Each back story confirming and testifying with the next. A unanimous, faithful, consistent symphony, building upon the every note that swells from hearts overflowing with Divine Grace. No one story rising above another’s, for every story proclaims equally and  gloriously the Sovereign Reign of a Holy God.  And as our voices join with those “Graced” in the past, we beckon and testify to those who struggle tomorrow that He Is, He Was and He will forever be. Those who “know” and have experienced, call out to those yet suffering among the ashes of sorrow, pain, heartache and failure. To these we cry “Lift up your head, He lives, He breathes, and He is here among you. He sits with you among the ashes, He understands your fear, He feels your pain, and He has an answer to the questions you falter to ask”  Our back-story becomes the hiding place for those so broken, battered, and weary they can’t see him though their pain.

 

What is my back-story, you might ask?

 

broken heart He loved me enough to expose the hidden sins of my heart. He cared about the things others couldn’t see, seizing the opportunity sin meant to use for my destruction and instead  used it as an opportunity to lavish upon me His glorious grace.  When I was wounded by the sinful hearts of others, He whispered I am here, I am in control, and it is your heart I will make new. Though I did not understand it then, I see now that He smote me, not to destroy, but to restore. He broke me beyond what man could repair and then He repaired my spirit, soul, and heart in a way only the God of the Universe could. He replaced ashes with Beauty, sorrow for Joy, turmoil with Peace, Anger with Gentleness. Though I was blind, now I see, and what was dead, He brought back to life. Oh look at my life and you will see Him there. Oh to be able to adequately convey what He has put to death in my heart and life.  If only you could see the ugliness and depravity His Spirit works diligently and skillfully to cut away.  He has gloriously replaced a hopeless future, with His glorious Hope!

 

This is my back-story and this is His glory!

 

What is your back-story?

“Pay it Forward”: The forgotten story

I stumbled across an emotional feel-good video today while scrolling through morning Facebook updates : ) In this particular clip, friends and gftfcomplete strangers join forces to create the “Perfect day of work” for a “deserving” woman. Their targeted beneficiary was a young, hard working waitress, who had overcome much adversity and hardship. Chelsea’s day began with a thousand dollar tip, which she initially tried to refuse. Next up were tickets to Hawaii, and then an offer for employment in a field of work she loved. The “perfect day of work” ended with a brand new car and a visit from her best friend.

 

I am not ashamed to confess that as the gifts rolled in a smile grew across my face and I might have shed a few tears. It was a cool story! Every co-worker and friend that was interviewed repeated the same message “If any body deserves this, it’s Chelsea.” This young woman had faced adversity, and not only did she overcome it, she spent her free time channeling all her energy and resources towards helping others like herself. Even more amazing was the fact that she did so on the salary of an overworked and underpaid waitress.

 

Weary and straining under the emotional and physical stresses of life, unexpected and unsolicited intervention flooded in and swept her up and into a real life, happily ever after fairytale. I don’t think there is a single person who has watched or read about a story like this who hasn’t had the thought,” I wish something like that would happen to me.” To receive needed resources and even a few luxuries would be such an encouragement, not to mention the mental boost of having my life, work, and talents affirmed by those I know, love, and work with.

 

Then it struck me, I have my own story, but it is so much better than all the “pay it forward” stories flying around on Facebook and Youtube.

 

While Chelsea’s friends professed her deservedness of the perfectly planned gifts that poured in, I couldn’t help but think of how differently my life story has played out.

 

Romans 5:1-8

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith,

wehave peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace

in which we now stand.

And weboast in the hope of the glory of God.

 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,

 because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.

5 And hope does not put us to shame,

because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts

through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,

Christ died for the ungodly.

7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person,

though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.

 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

While we were still sinners,

Christ died for us.

What a list! Did you catch all of them? Justified, peace, access, grace, standing, hope, glory, perseverance, character, more hope, no shame, God’s love . All of this abundant goodness with one slight difference, I deserved nothing!

rejoiceDo you see me in those verse above? Do you see yourself? Jody was powerless, ungodly, a sinner, yet grace  came down and has been poured out upon her life.

I closed facebook and turned off my phone and sat back to replay the video of another life that has been blessed. This record wasn’t documented on the internet, it was etched deeply and lovingly upon the innermost parts of my heart and mind.

My story is both appalling and beautiful. I was the source of all that was ghastly, tainted, and spoiled. One day my eyes were opened and I was reminded, I was not the author of my life story, nor the lead role. So often I have the cameras on the wrong person! Life is not in fact about me and what I deserved and have earned but rather about Him and all He has given. Still a sinner, still powerless, still undeserving, grace came down!

Within that tiny five letter word, infinite and unfathomable gifts reside and flow. They are not temporal and will never be taken away. They will never spoil, rust or corrupt. With every tick of the clock grace flows. My perfect day will not end when camera crews go home and the internet is switched off. My life story will not fade and be replaced when a new and more sensational story comes along. My perfect day will not temporarily remove me from the harsh reality of life the and sorrows and struggles each day can bring. My perfect day involves a person who gives what I need so I can be sustained as He carries me through them. My perfect day is not orchestrated by well meaning friends with limited resources and a company that will use me as an advertisement gimmick in order to make money. The vast and mysterious heavens are the footstool of the author of my story. His power and resources have no end. His motivation is Pure, Holy, and Righteous. All He gives is only for my good and what He chooses to bestow never comes with sorrow or regret. His gifts don’t merely enable me to cope and survive until my circumstances change.  His gifts transform, renew, and empower my heart, mind, will, and emotions to overcome regardless of my surroundings and circumstances.

Today, my heart cries out “I deserved none of this” and He replies “THIS is my joy.” I am overwhelmed by the grace that has flooded, floods, and has yet to flood into my life. A grace, that if measured, could not be contained. My “perfect day” began long before the first beat of my heart and the labored heaving of my tiny premature lungs.  Chosen before the foundations of the world, I have been wooed, hedged, and shepherded through endless “perfect days.”

This is my life story:

grc

I deserved nothing yet He has given everything!

Will you take a moment to replay and praise Him for your “Perfect day?”

A letter of counsel and concern to Recovering Grace

A Concern and Challenge For “Recovering Grace”

prs

As the firestorm around Bill Gothard and the IBLP erupts, I find I feel many mixed emotions. I wasn’t one of the “victims.” I was not preyed upon or abused by any member of leadership, and while many decisions my family made were misguided and in error, my parents were godly, loving and sensible people. My life was greatly impacted by sincere, godly, loving leaders at ALERT and Excel. I learned and grew much during involvement with ATI. I forged lifelong friendships and memories I will always look back upon with fondness.

As I stepped away from the IBLP ministry, I did so in phases. Ignorance and blindness was eventually replaced by anger and shock. I was not the “perfect Christian” they led me to believe I could become by following prescribed “Biblical” rules and laws. I dressed the part, listened to the right music, courted, avoided things on the “naughty” list, yet I never had true freedom or peace. Not only was I odious to myself, I was odious to the rest of the world.

In just the past 3 years the Lord has begun the process of ripping away the spiritual blindness, calluses, and more importantly the hypocrisy that kept me in a prison of frustration, guilt, fear, and anxiety. After leaving IBLP, the Lord took me through some gut wrenching trials. The problem was, when they came I had no true Biblical truth or foundation to stand upon. Years of rules, and “Prosperity gospel” laden false teaching smothered any attempt to make sense out of what I was going through and why.

Then came GRACE! The realization that I could not add a measure more of God’s love, mercy or power to my life by “works,” rocked my world. Even greater than this was the truth I could not compel Him to withdraw ANY measure of His love and mercy in my life by sin, failures, or weakness. I had it “ALL” already! It wasn’t about me anymore, it was all about HIM.overcome

No more list to check off! No more putrid hypocrisy to paint me white and clean on the outside, when in fact I was struggling and broken inside. I was covered and bathed in the “Amazing Grace” of God. He loved me in spite of who I was or what I had done and this love would never change or waiver.

How liberating it is to be driven in my heart by a passion for Him, because “He loved me first.”

How meaningful time in the word becomes, when a true desire to seek and know Him is the motivation rather than fear that if I don’t the hammer will drop and judgment will come.

The law opens our eyes for a need of a Savior. It revels and bears testimony that man’s heart is truly deceitful and desperately wicked. The law exposes our need for redemption, but there is no power or freedom found in that law. The law condemns! If you stop with the law, your life becomes a knotted and gnarled ball of guilt, pride, shame, arrogance, hopelessness, and frustration.

Then comes Grace! Freedom from chains we forged in an attempt to measure up, add to, and earn His favor.

Love and His grace cover a multitude of sins and brings freedom, but there is more. With eyes opened to the truth of His grace and Mercy, my life is lived out as an act of love to Him. I live each day striving to “be Holy as He is Holy” not in order to earn something, but because I am so overcome by His love for me I want to do everything to please Him and nothing to grieve Him. I desire each day to show Him that within my limited knowledge, I understand what He has done for me, Given me, rescued me from!

rejoice

So as articles fly across the internet and facebook feeds, here is my concern and challenge to Recovering Grace.

Your website “Recovering Grace” advertises a powerful and much needed ministry to thousands of people around the world, including those who have never darkened the doorway of IBLP or ATI. You have shed light on abuses and scandals that have resulted in damage untold and left countless victims reeling, angry, hurting, and questioning the Gospel, salvation, and even God himself.

There was a time I stopped visiting your site because I did not find “Grace” that could help me as I worked through my struggles and questions. Many times, all I found were painful stories and narratives/responses filled with unbelievable pain, anger, hate, and animosity. These accounts left me disgusted, angry, and so frustrated, but very few offered a glimmer of hope, peace and an active and living example of grace that heals.

I am not saying the anger, animosity, frustration is wrong, I am just saying, now that the firestorm has hit and exposure has been accomplished, so much more is needed than stories exposing the ministry, its leaders, and grotesque false teaching.

This site will receive so much traffic by the hurting, abused, seekers, God haters, and those simply curious about the newest religious scandal to hit the news waves.

While all the abused and wounded need to be able to tell their story and begin the process of healing, I encourage those at Recovering Grace to be wise and discerning as they wade through the thousands of e-mails, stories, claims, comments and offerings from those of us negatively and even positively impacted by the IBLP ministry.

Fill your web site with GRACE. Fill it with the amazing stories of healing, recovery, and the truth of God’s word. Let it ooze with hope for those who need it more than anything else in. Let your site be a miraculous testimony of of “Beauty from Ashes.” May what satan intended for evil, be a used for good and a demonstration of God’s grace and strength.

Offer links, books, and other sound resources that can provide Biblical counsel and truth that can enlighten, expose, heal and strengthen.

My prayers go out to all who are hurting and seeking peace, hope, and grace. It is there for you! Don’t give up!

Sincerely,

Jody Biddle-Watkins

A Little Taste of Heaven

Sunday evening I was treated to a small taste of heaven on earth. I sat quietly in handsmy chair surrounded by the family I cherish. We were related by blood, but not the physical liquid that courses through artery and vein. We were bound by something so much more precious, priceless, and powerful than gene and chromosome.

We were a family united and gathered together because we had been adopted into the family of God. We were covered with the precious blood of the Lamb that was Slain. We had been saved by the blood of the Son of God, the Creator of the universe. Our eyes had been opened to the awful reality of sin and the just condemnation we deserved because of it. We had been wooed, pursued, and graciously delivered from an eternal separation from the presence of God and a physical anguish that would never end.

One by one voices called out. Most were simple three or four word phrases, but hidden deep within each syllable was a personal testimony, a unique story. Each tongue that proclaimed the Glory of the Lord, bore witness that there was a God, and that He delighted in intervening in the affairs of man. Perhaps for a brief moment in time the heavens paused, and the galaxies took a breath as man took a turn singing the very song they had been singing since the day their creator flung flung them far  into the expanses of the skies. One by one, voices were raised, declaring the glory of God, giving testimony to His Majestic Holiness.

A brother would call out, sharing a moment of Divine intervention and all sk ldaround the auditorium heads would nod in knowing affirmation. Smiles crept to our mouths because while our experiences might be different, the God he spoke about was excitedly familiar.

“He is slow to anger!” someone announced and immediately my heart leaped within my chest. I wanted stand up and cry out Yes and Amen, I know and have experienced this God!!! “He abounds with mercy!” Oh glory I mouthed silently. I have met the God who has filled my days with mercy!

He pursues us with relentless love quips another. I choke back a sob as I think back to my teen years when I questioned and chided him in a foolish attempt to provoke His wrath” He did not strike me dead like I deserved, instead he patiently hounded me with His grace. He loved me when I walked astray, hedged my path from destruction and wooed me to Himself.

Sunday evening was a treat, a small glimpse of that moment in time when we will meet and see with our eyes, the God we have experienced here on earth. On that day we are told that every knee will bow and every tongue confess the truth, “That Jesus is Lord.”

Revelation 5:13 

And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying,

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”

dlr

On that day my voice might possibly join with the birds of the air, the trees of the field, and the fish of the sea in proclaiming His glory and might. On that day my heart will leap as never before, when I finally gaze upon the one who drew me out of the pit and set my feet on dry ground. I will see the God who chose me, the Savior who died for me, and the Spirit who sealed me. I will meet the Father who adopted the unlovely and destitute. I will fall before the Son of God who bore my sins on the cross. I will stand, not in abject fear, but delight as the Spirit bears witness that I am indeed a daughter of Christ!

I will not only proclaim he is Holy, Just, Righteous, Loving, faithful, True and Merciful, I will fully know and understand this. I will taste and see in a way I can not fathom that “He is good” and I will cry out “Most blessed am I because he chose to seek and save me!”

Have you joined the heavens in declaring the goodness of God? Is your life a living testimony of a faith rooted and grounded in the reality that the very God of the Universe delights in you? Do the rocks around you groan to declare what you have failed to proclaim. Do you exude the hope and exuberance of a prisoner set free? Will you join me today, raise your voice, and delight in a little taste of heaven on earth?

Photo Credits: Hands at  http://juganue.deviantart.com/art/together-holding-hands-153965261